soo.. its m a r c h.

wow, I can’t believe it’s already MARCH! I feel like twenty seventeen is already passing so quickly, but I always feel like that I think. although, I’m a little saddened by the fact that I have only blogged like.. four times. but I kindof knew that was going to happen, all I can do is try my best to keep myself updated as often as possible.

baby b is already E I G H T months, I can’t believe it. he feels like he’s much older sometimes because he’s so stinking’ smart.. but then again, i still know that if it gets quiet for too long that he’s probably up to no good. as always, he’s obsessed with playing fetch + could probably play 24/7 he has sooo much energy! but, in about four weeks he’s going to be meeting his future b a b y m a m a. Yep, thats right! We are going to be breeding him and I couldn’t be anymore excited. bostons normally carry anywhere from 4-6 pups in a litter, so I’m finally gonna get my bailey girl! other than that, there isn’t too much to update in the world of baby b besides the fact that he’s become a professional nail messer-upper!

as far as i go, things are pretty great in life! i have nothing too crazy to complain about which is awesome because in the past few months so many people I know have been dealing with some serious issues. im currently bettering my future and cannot wait to graduate in just nine short months!

something i’m currently loving is cooking for my boyfriend, I know that probably sounds kindof strange. once upon a time i was a professional pastry chef, at a nice fancy restaurant downtown. the thing about the world of culinary is that its pretty hardcore as far as alcohol + drugs are concerned. constantly being in that environment wasn’t good for my health, mentally or physically, so i walked away and never looked back in fear that my budding relationship with ecstasy would take me down a road that I wouldn’t ever be able to come back from.

whenever I tried to return to the kitchen, even in my own home, I would get those same feelings + emotions back that came with that world. until about 2 or 3 months ago when I realized that i N E E D E D to overcome my past that I felt was associated with cooking/baking. this may sound silly + i’m probably not making very much sense, but being able to return to my love for creating and providing for my family with the gift i’ve been given of culinary arts has been something I’ve wanted for a long time. its a struggle maybe only one other person knows about but I am so excited that this healing process has begun.

cheers to march + all it has to bring!



house of b o s t o n.


sometimes having a dog isnt all its cracked up to be.. they are a l o t of hard work (of course not like having actual children, but still) and its your responsibility to take care of + provide for this little living thing. even just the small things- like with bentley, he is O B S E S S E D with playing fetch, he could literally play for hours upon hours. unfortunately at the moment, my boyfriend and i are working somewhat different schedules + so we sleep at different times as well. sometimes i feel bad because i feel like all the little monster ever gets to do is sleep. but he is a little cuddle bug + loves to cuddle with his mommy + daddy (although, he is wayyyy more a momma’s boy)

i’ve enjoyed about every moment i’ve had with my little man so far, he really is like the light of my life + i know that sounds s i l l y but its somewhat true. animals have always been a good things for me to have around, i have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder + PTSD, so having a companion adds so much love to my life. to win the love of a boston terrier is hard work because they are so s t u b b o r n, yet extremely smart. i think because i bonded with bentley immediately he favors me over his father, hehe.

bentley is due to be bred at the end of march/beginning of april + i couldn’t be more thrilled. i knew that i wanted to get him a playmate when we brought him home and i didnt want them to be too far apart in age so i figured why not just let him have a puppy + that way we know who the parents are + its his kid! how cool is that?! im hoping for a girl, to be named B A I L E Y!


bettering my f u t u r e.

im going back to school, on the sixteenth of february! i’ve decided to better myself, not just for me but for my family, boyfriend, bentley and future babies! i decided one day to wake up and put on my big girl panties and pursue a C A R E E R! i havent been so excited in a long time, i deserve to be proud of what i do for a living and working in a retail store (albeit, i love it) i dont want to be thirty something and still working for entry level customer service positions. not that there is anything wrong with that! i just want more out of my life and i know i can do better and people in my life deserve better from me.


my boyfriend used to nag on me about getting a better job and i didnt really understand why he cared so much and why sometimes he seemed a little mean about it! but i get it, he only wants better in life for me. to not live paycheck to paycheck and drive a shitty car. and i love him for that, for not letting me settle when i have so much potential in life! who knows, maybe this time next year when im working in a medical office.. maybe ill be trying for our first b a b y! oh the joys ahead for me and my little family!



fire meet gasoline.

when two worlds collide you never really know what to expect, “worlds” obviously meaning people and their lifestyles. Some people have their little “habits” (and I actually dislike using that word in that term) from biting their nails to mine.. up in the clouds.

We all have specific things that make us uniquely well.. us. for me, its not so easy for people (family, friends) to understand. Im a recovering alcoholic, about 45 days sober, a newbie. To say alcohol is bad is too ignorant, in itself it isn’t. Its a problem when you feel like you can’t feel anything besides when you are drinking. The last incident for me was when I got extremely inebriated off of boxed wine and made somewhat of a spectacle in my home. It was horrible, waking up the next day and realizing how much of an ass you made of yourself. It was when I really decided that I needed to kick that “habit”

Since I was about 20/21 years old, I have smoked weed on a pretty regular (albeit lengthy periods of time) basis. I felt so fucking cool, finally doing what the cool kids do. I got somewhat consumed on the “HIGH” of it and wanted to feel that way all the time. When I smoked it was purely out of fun and recreation , I never knew what the hell I was actually smoking. I for sure didn’t even know any of the “basics” about cannabis… indica? sativa? strain? indoor or outdoor? hybrid? what the fuck did any of that mean..

It wasn’t until I was a little bit older, 2-3 years down the time when I actually educated myself about medicinal ways to use cannabis. It is so intriguing! I also suffer from PTSD, MDD, Anxiety and have arthritis in both of my knees due to dancing throughout my life. So many of these conditions can be managed through the use of medical cannabis. Personally, I am a lover of sativa dominant hybrids. They don’t make me feel so couch locked and it helps me GET SHIT DONE.

The only extremely shitty part of it though is that my boyfriend and family FREAKED THE FUCK OUT when they learned that I was a cannibas patient. They absolutely hate it and I feel like they are making something out of nothing. Unfortunately, marijuana is so misunderstood and I hate it. “Stoners”come in all shapes, sizes, form etc. and we aren’t all lazy, unmotivated and sloppy. I really hate that we get that rap! Honestly, I don’t even know where I’m going with this blog now.. maybe just to vent my feelings because this is the only place I really have where I can do that. I just don’t know how to make others understand that it isn’t such a bad thing, in fact, ITS LEGAL. I don’t go to some guy I met on craigslist behind an alley, its not like that at all. When you have a cannabis card, you can go to the store or even have it delivered! I just don’t know even where to start to get them to understand and medicating helps to much with arthritis and PTSD to stop. I hate feeling like I have nowhere else to go.

Anyways, thats my kindof scenario going on right now. Who knows, maybe years from now ill look this up and see if WordPress still has my account open and laugh at this. HELLO FUTURE SELF, ITS OKAY THAT YOU SMOKE.


goodbye 2016.

Well here we are again, New Years Eve. such a magical time when one year is leaving a whole new one is upon us. so, a few hours ago I was supposed to be hanging out with all my friends and family but 2016 felt like kicking me in the metaphorical balls one last time..

so here I sit, on my iMac at 10:06 PM NYE with a boyfriend who is sick as hell. awesome.

I’ve tried to start a blog before, but no surprise.. it didn’t go very far.

but here we are again trying to start anew. I’m not even gonna try to say all the “new year, new me”.BS, this could be the only post I make all year (well all of 2017). hopefully it won’t be, I really just want to be better at documenting my life so I can look back in it years from now and be reminded of all the things that I deemed important to write down.

and no-one is probably ever going to read this but ya know what.. I really don’t care. I want this platform to just be a place where I can talk about, rant, discuss anything that I fucking want to, and I’m not gonna be sorry about it. If you’re offended, oh well just click off.

But some things I really want to note down real quick are just sixteen things that I am thankful for in 2016.

  1. My family: my day ones, of course they’ve stuck by me with every shitty thing I’ve done this year. I don’t know how they do it sometimes.
  2. My Boyfriend: dear god, am I thankful for him. Andrew, my plus one. All I can say is sometimes I can be a stupid ass psycho bitch. Through it all he’s stuck by me for almost a year , gotta love him.
  3. My Bentley: my Boston terrier puppy, my love. ANYONE who knows me knows that I am basically obsessed with my boy. He’s the biggest sweetie pie.
  4. Family/Friends Health: over the past year so many of my friends have unfortunately had to deal with different sickness and deaths in the family. I have not had to and I am so thankful for that.
  5. One month Sobriety: being an alcoholic fucking sucks, especially when you know you want to stop but just don’t. thankfully I’m starting new… again. just hopefully this time it’ll last .
  6. Medicinal Relief with Anxiety and Stress.
  7. Photography: being creative is where I have always strived the most, so whenever I can take the chance to capture something special its always rewarding.
  8. Youtube: this may seem like a silly one, but youtube has actually taught me so much over the past year.
  9. Work: Gotta feed the family
  10. 950 East D St.*: our little kindof small and a little shitty home, but its OUR first home together. My place of Madness.
  11. Chipotle: Easy enough said.
  12. Trump 2016: weirdest presidential election ever, but fuck yeah lets MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
  13. IMAC- the newest addition to our family (hehe) but omg its made it 1,000 times easier to do anything now.
  14. Learning how to Love: unconditionally, is sometimes a pain in the ass. but it really is the greatest thing to ever learn how to do.
  15. Turning 26: Another year older year, but its another year to start new and I’m so excited cause who the fuck knows what’ll happen.
  16. Feeling Free to be me: coming to the conclusion that I am valuable and learning what that means being carried into my life.

All I really want for this new year coming up is to be a better me that I can be. I’ve been looking at going back to school so I can start an actual career so maybe thats where my adventure will start.

Cheers to a New Year, 2017!